If you find yourself in a situation when you need to say something to someone who has lost a parent, I hope the following will assist you:
Five Things to Say
• I understand that you are in pain, let me know if I can help you
• No matter how old your parent is, I know their death is difficult for you
• Even though your parent was elderly, I understand that you want him (or her) to have been here on earth for a longer time
• Even though your parent was ill, we are almost never prepared for the inevitable
• Take your time in grieving; there is no time limit to your grief
Five Things Not to Say
• He (or she) was old so you should have expected their death
• He (or she) had a good life
• His (or her) time had come
• This too shall pass
• You will get over it in a couple of months
It is important to be sensitive to the person's feelings. Our comments can be of great comfort to those who are grieving the death of their parent.
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This is so helpful, Annette, both as validation for a current situation and guidance for future situations. I appreciate your blog and the way you very wisely and gently handle these difficult subjects.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Losing or having lost a loved one is a sensitive subject but one that needs to be addressed. So many of us are hurting in silence.
ReplyDeleteThe best to you.
Annette
after the loss of my father, I found that writing my feelings of love to him helped me a lot. Check out the website ,Alwaysinmyheart.com. They have cards to write in (and also holders with waterproof envelopes). Beautiful cards,etc. very reasonable.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne