6 Things to do to Prepare for Your Parent's Death

When my parents became ill, I was not prepared to be a caregiver, much less prepared for their deaths. It seemed that their health deteriorated so quickly that I didn't have time to adjust or plan or strategize. I just had to handle the situation the best way I could.

I recommend the following list of things to do for those who are facing their parents dying:

-Learn as much as possible about your parent's disease
-Appreciate every day spent with your parent
-Journal or record special moments with your parents
-Understand that your parent is not the same person who raised you
-Accept your new role in the family dynamics
-Ask for help from your family and friends

I'm not saying this list is all you have to do to prepare for your parent's death. The list is a start to assist you in beginning your journey to accepting the inevitable.

What to Say and Not to Say When Someone's Parent Dies

If you find yourself in a situation when you need to say something to someone who has lost a parent, I hope the following will assist you:

Five Things to Say

• I understand that you are in pain, let me know if I can help you
• No matter how old your parent is, I know their death is difficult for you
• Even though your parent was elderly, I understand that you want him (or her) to have been here on earth for a longer time
• Even though your parent was ill, we are almost never prepared for the inevitable
• Take your time in grieving; there is no time limit to your grief

Five Things Not to Say

• He (or she) was old so you should have expected their death
• He (or she) had a good life
• His (or her) time had come
• This too shall pass
• You will get over it in a couple of months

It is important to be sensitive to the person's feelings. Our comments can be of great comfort to those who are grieving the death of their parent.

The Feathers in My Life

September 8, 2009. Today,a feather floated before me. A small, white, fluffy beautiful feather lay at my feet as I was outside getting ready to get into my car. I looked up and around to determine if a bird was in a tree nearby. I saw no bird. There was no breeze. Today, the day that marks the death of my mother three years ago, a feather comes into my world again. Why is the feather meaningful?

In 2006, two months after my mother passed away, I was outside trimming the bushes around my patio. I felt a presence around me and then a feather floated right on top of my hand. There was a slight breeze and I looked around to see if a bird was hidden in the bushes. There was no bird. And an overwhelming feeling came over me that my mother was somehow in my presence. It was as if she came to visit me to give me important messages: life continues, life is fleeting, and that she was still looking over me.

So that’s why the feather that came to me today is so important to me. My mother is still looking over me. I kissed the feather and placed it in a special ceramic piece that my mother had made in my bedroom.

Forever Memory Garden

As the day draws closer to September 11, the date of my mother's burial- which also was her birthday- she is very much on my mind.

Today I worked in the garden I created in her memory. This is the first time I ever planted a garden, much less in remembrance of anyone. I do not have a green thumb but amazingly the garden is thriving after three months. The planting was done with love and care. I planted cannas, begonias, portulaca, lantana,and lilies and they are all blooming.

I have such a feeling of accomplishment and pride that this garden is honoring my mother. And, best of all, I feel her presence looking down over me as I work in the garden. My Forever Memory Garden is a lovely, peaceful place where I can reflect the happy times I spent with my mother.

If you have a loved one that you have lost, I recommend planting a garden in their memory. It can be a vegetable garden or an herb garden. It can be a large or small garden. Why don't you plant a garden this fall?