What to Say and Not to Say When Someone's Parent Dies

If you find yourself in a situation when you need to say something to someone who has lost a parent, I hope the following will assist you:

Five Things to Say

• I understand that you are in pain, let me know if I can help you
• No matter how old your parent is, I know their death is difficult for you
• Even though your parent was elderly, I understand that you want him (or her) to have been here on earth for a longer time
• Even though your parent was ill, we are almost never prepared for the inevitable
• Take your time in grieving; there is no time limit to your grief

Five Things Not to Say

• He (or she) was old so you should have expected their death
• He (or she) had a good life
• His (or her) time had come
• This too shall pass
• You will get over it in a couple of months

It is important to be sensitive to the person's feelings. Our comments can be of great comfort to those who are grieving the death of their parent.