A gift for the Holidays

Holidays are for family gatherings, for enjoying the joy of the season and for remembering the good times. But when you no longer have your loved ones, holidays can be very difficult, lonely times.

I wrote a poem as a gift to my granddaughter, who has my dearly departed mother's name as her middle name. Today, it has been published on the following website:
http://opentohope.com/grief-and-the-holidays/writing-poem-helps-woman-honor-mother-and-granddaughter/.

Give yourself a gift by remembering a loved one by speaking about them or writing about them. Every time I read the poem I wrote it helps me remember how special my mother was.

Ways to release the pain of losing a loved one

When I tell people I am writing and speaking about the death of my parents, they say “how brave of you” or “you have such courage to dig down into those feelings of grief”. I don’t see myself as being brave or courageous. I had to do something to honor their memory, fill the hole in my heart, and help others who feel or have felt the same kind of grief.

I did not know that writing and/or speaking about my feelings would be such a wonderful outlet for the great depth of pain I was feeling. I grieved and still grieve over the loss of my parents. Writing about my parents when they were ill and dying and about my grief after their deaths has been therapeutic. Every time I have a memory, I write about it and immediately I experience a release from my pain. When I speak about my parents it keeps their memory alive.

I encourage anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one to journal your feelings, speak about your feelings to family or friends, and remember your loved one in some special way.

The Feathers in My Life

September 8, 2009. Today,a feather floated before me. A small, white, fluffy beautiful feather lay at my feet as I was outside getting ready to get into my car. I looked up and around to determine if a bird was in a tree nearby. I saw no bird. There was no breeze. Today, the day that marks the death of my mother three years ago, a feather comes into my world again. Why is the feather meaningful?

In 2006, two months after my mother passed away, I was outside trimming the bushes around my patio. I felt a presence around me and then a feather floated right on top of my hand. There was a slight breeze and I looked around to see if a bird was hidden in the bushes. There was no bird. And an overwhelming feeling came over me that my mother was somehow in my presence. It was as if she came to visit me to give me important messages: life continues, life is fleeting, and that she was still looking over me.

So that’s why the feather that came to me today is so important to me. My mother is still looking over me. I kissed the feather and placed it in a special ceramic piece that my mother had made in my bedroom.

For those of you whose parents have passed on or are in ill health

Treasure your parents. Make time to spend with them. Listen to their concerns. Value what they have to tell you. Provide them with special things that they need-like reading them a book or newspaper. Have no regrets.

Maintain an inter-generational link. Your children should hear stories about their grandparents and great-grandparents. They should experience the food of their ancestors. You should share pictures of your parents and grandparents when they were young. You should discuss how their ancestors arrived in this country.

Record an oral history of your family members and provide it to your children.

Every day, think about a wise saying or direction your parents once gave you that made a difference in your life.

Carry a memento of your parent(s) to keep them close to your heart.

It is important for us to do the best we can while our parents are still alive and to honor them after their passing. I may feel like an orphan but then I remember there was a time when I was a part of a very special family. No one can take my memories away.

I choose to write about my memories in order to help others through the pain of losing their parents and as a result, it will ease my pain.